I'm feeling so melancholy.
2 weeks and it feels like it hasn't gone away.
What do I even have to be bummed about? I own the deed to 1170 beautiful square feet of living space. I know some amazing people all around the world. There are people at work that I enjoy. I have a degree at a prestigious 4 year private college. I have the means to get myself from A to B in a car that was handed over to me on my 16th birthday.
The list goes on....
But here I sit and all I can think about is how little desire I have to follow through on my obligations and goals at work. I don't really like my boss. I'm often irritated by the people around me. I can't say no, but I don't feel like I've be adequately following through. My job doesn't motivate me. I'm often fighting with my family. I miss my dogs. I miss my friends, but I don't call them. Even if I do get on the phone, I make the conversations short because I get antsy and nervous. I try to learn and stop halfway. I try to lose weight and stop at a 1/4 of the way. I "want" to exercise and don't. I "want" to eat better and don't. I'd rather eat ice cream for dinner than salad and I'd rather play video games for 2 hours than clean out my closet (that's actually not really like me....).
I miss my old life. I miss my old friends... I'm one of those people.... the ones with their heads stuck back in high school.
Why do I feel like I have nothing to look forward to? Why have I lost the drive to be awesome? Why do I feel under-appreciated... and then react and live that way... to the point where I probably shouldn't be appreciated because I haven't done anything to deserve it...
I want to go home. Not to my parents house, but to the place where I felt confident in myself and confident in my abilities to succeed.
I want my life back.
